Somehow

The White Sox made the playoffs. I really don't know how, but hey, I'll roll with it. Johnny Danks pitched a masterpiece, and Bobby Jenks is still pretty damn good too. Oh, and how about Brian "F&*@ing" Anderson? Maybe the play of the game: Junior Griffey making a solid throw and AJ still being able to take a hit? Jim Thome's BOMB? Maybe this team can ride the Thunder through the postseason. Remember last year's NL Champs? The Colorado Rockies? Ya never know.















Oh, and the blackout was pretty damn cool. Way to go Sox fans.

The White Sox

Are really bad at baseball. Disgusting. They don't deserve to win the AL Central if they couldn't win ONE dag-gummed game in Minnesota. All around terrible.

However, it wasn't all bad yesterday. There is some hope. And by 'hope,' I mean 'our future is doomed.' And by 'our future is doomed' I really mean 'our present is doomed.'

During the game yesterday, I saw this.















Justin Morneau for President. SOMEHOW the fact that this person wants to vote in a 27 year old professional athlete to the presidency isn't the dumbest thing about this.

Justin Morneau - born May 15, 1981 in New Westminster, British Columbia. Bristish Columbia is in Canada.

Enter Article Two of the United States Constitution. Clause 5: Qualifications for Office:
"No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any Person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty-five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States."

So in conclusion, Justin Morneau can never be President of the United States. Ever. Way to waste a perfectly good bed sheet you dumb sh!ts.

Alright, so what have we learned today? The White Sox are bad at baseball and Twins fans are really really dumb.

Five months till spring training.

Here is an article I recently found on the Chicago Sun Times website. Its from a series of articles entitled 'This Much I Know.' Now I use the term 'article' loosely, because really these are less like articles and more like a bunch of statements put together. Almost like an interview, except they only printed the answers.

So without further adieu - Ken "Hawk" Harrelson

(my comments will be italicized)

Ken "Hawk" Harrelson

THIS MUCH I KNOW | 66 | WHITE SOX BROADCASTER

First off, I could have sworn Hawk was like 85. Or maybe even older than baseball itself. But fine, if they say 66, I believe them.

I grew up listening to Harry Caray every night before bed in Savannah, Ga. He was on KMOX, the only station we could get baseball games. I'd listen to Harry and Joe Buck and fight off mosquitoes because we had big holes in our screens.

Of course he had big holes in his screens. Hawk was poor when he grew up. Did you know that he had to walk 13 miles to school, uphill, in the snow...wait, Savannah, Ga? Ok, so there wasn't any snow, but it was 16 miles.

In 1971, the Cubs wanted me to come over there and play, but I made up my mind. I wanted to retire and concentrate on playing golf.

Because the Cubbies just aren't worth it, doggummit!

I got to play in the British Open and won some celebrity tournaments. But when I was out there trying to make it in the PGA, I had such a bad temper, I had no chance. I'd go out with 14 clubs in my bag and come back with three or four. You can't beat those guys with three or four clubs.

Hey Hawk, you couldn't beat those guys with all 14 clubs.

Tommy Bolt had the worst temper on the PGA tour, and I broke more clubs than Thunder, I'm sure.

Hahahahaha, of course he called Tommy Bolt "Thunder Bolt." Classic Hawk!

I haven't broken a club in 25 years.

But he has eaten many club sandwiches in 25 years.

The greatest compliment I've ever been paid was by manager Alvin Dark. He said of all the players he's ever managed, the guy who would do anything to win a game more than anybody is Ken Harrelson.

But what would he do for a Klondike bar? This is boring and poorly written, not to mention poorly put together.

Some players don't agree with the idea that fans have the right to boo. Fans do have a right to boo.

I totally agree with him here.

I was the White Sox general manager in 1986. I can tell you being a general manager is the worst job in baseball. No question about it.

What about beer vendors? I bet that job sucks ass. I mean, people yell at you, and all that beer has to be heavy. Oh yea, and you don't make anywhere near what a GM makes. Just a thought.

I've called 4,500 ball games -- at least.

Cool. Congrats? I think?

I was blessed to know Howard Cosell and Curt Gowdy. In separate conversations, they both told me the same thing -- don't ever try to please everybody. And I don't. My detractors? I've been around too long to let it bother me.

Hawk, come on. You really rarely please anyone. Maybe 10% of Sox fans. The other 90% just put up with you. Luckily, I'm in that 10%.

Put it on the boooard . . . Yes! just evolved. I was playing a PGA tournament and birdied a tough par 3. The guy working the scoreboard was reading a book, so I yelled, "Hey, put it on the board." One day at the old ballpark, somebody hit a home run and I said, "You can put it on the boooard . . . Yes." That's where it came from.

He gone! Grab some bench! Can-o-corn. All the phrases from my baseball vernacular are things I said when I played.

I'm kinda surprised he knows what the word 'vernacular' means. Vernacular is definitely not a can-o-corn word.

Can-o-corn is an expression used by old storekeepers 60 years ago. They'd have aprons on and use a hook to pull the can of corn off the shelf and catch it in their aprons. Easy catch.

I've always wanted to know where the hell that came from, and honestly, that was very satisfying to learn.

The Cubs-Sox rivalry is huge. I get goosebumps just thinking about teeing it up.

I disagree. Maybe I don't like Hawk anymore.

Lou Piniella is one of my dear friends. I just want to kick his ass.

OK! Just kidding, I take it back. That is awesome and hilarious.

Piniella probably knows more about hitting than anyone on the planet. He's a hard-nosed son of a b- - - -. He loves to compete. He'd fight ya in a heartbeat.

Does anyone else want to see Hawk fight Lou? That would be awesome. I would totally pay to see that. No question.

Ozzie Guillen is one of the most powerful personalities of any manager I've ever seen. We wouldn't have won this World Series ring without him.

Ozzie is an asshole, but Hawk is right here.

Making it to the World Series in 1967 was the greatest thrill in my sporting life. We lost in seven games.

Up until '05, I never really realized the difference of winning a World Series to losing a World Series. My wife asked me which was better, '67 or '05. I got to tell you, it's '05. The difference is immense.

So wait... There's a difference between winning and losing a World Series? Who knew?

I've been married for 35 years. My wife saved my life.

How? Did she pull you from a burning automobile? Were you on drugs, and she made you choose between her and the drugs? These are the hard hitting questions they forgot to ask.

When you marry a Greek, you don't get much of a say about marriage. I haven't seen a paycheck in 35 years.

Racist.

When I say, "This ball game is ovaah," that means we won.

I am 100% sure that you've said "This ball game is ovaah" after a loss. Oh wait, maybe you say "This ball game is over." My Bad. Very different.



Look I love The Hawk, but he's ridiculous, and so was this article. Good job Sun-Times. I'm excited for the Ken 'Hawk' Harrelson vs. Sweet Lou Pinella, that's gonna be a good ol fashion slobber knocker. Sinch it up and hunker down.

Even Weirder

Weird

Yet oddly awesome.

State of the Sox

Ok, so I admit, there hasn't been one of these in a while, but guess what -- the Sox are still in first place. The State of the Sox has not changed.

However, today starts a very important stretch of seven games for the White Sox. They start a set of three in Detroit tonight, then they go to Minnesota for a four game series.

These 7 games = Very Important

57-43, 2.5 ahead of Minn, 5.5 ahead of Det

Very Important



Also -- This just in. Crede on the dl, welcome back Josh Fields.

State of the Cubs and State of the Sox...

...Will return next week to recap the past two weeks of baseball, and separate looks back at the first half of the season.

State of the Sox (6/24 - 6/29)

June 24th - June 29th

Tuesday, June 24th @ LA Dodgers W 6-1
Buehrle (W, 5-6), Lowe (L, 5-7)

Wednesday, June 25th @ LA Dodgers L 5-0
Floyd (L, 8-4), Stults (W, 2-0)
Thursday, June 26th @ LA Dodgers W 2-0
Danks (W, 5-4), Kershaw (L, 0-2), Jenks (S, 17)
Friday, June 20th vs Cubs W 10-3
Contreras (W, 7-6), Dempster (L, 9-3)
Saturday, June 21 vs Cubs W 6-5
Thorton (W, 4-1), Marmol (L, 1-3), Jenks (S, 18)
Sunday, June 22nd vs Cubs W 5-1
Buehrle (W, 6-6), Marshall (L, 0-2)

Heroes - John Danks, Jermaine Dye, Carlos Quentin
Bums - Vazquez, maybe...

Dodgers are bad, which is why the Sox took 2 of 3 from them in LA. The White Sox are good at home. Hopefully the AL will win the All Star Game (because some dumbass decided that whichever league wins the All Star Game gets home field advantage in the World Series. Its the dumbest thing ever) (ever ever).

I've been thinking... if the season ended today, Carlos Quentin AL MVP? You could make a case for him, and I think Milton Bradley and Josh Hamilton take votes away from each other. But I guess you could say the same about CQ and Dye. Oh well, fun to think about.

Interleague is over, time for the Sox to start dominating their division. Hopefully the Sox will sweep the Indians so we don't have to see Sabathia for much longer. He would look nice in north side attire, wouldn't you say?

State of the Sox (6/16 - 6/22)

June 17th - June 22nd

Tuesday, June 17th vs Pittsburgh W 16-5
Vazquez (W, 7-5), Snell (L, 3-7)

Wednesday, June 18th vs Pittsburgh W 8-2
Buehrle (W, 4-6), Gorzelany (L, 5-6)
Thursday, June 19th vs Pittsburgh W 13-8
Floyd (W, 8-3), Dumatrait (L, 3-4)
Friday, June 20th @ Cubs L 4-3
Linebrink (L, 2-2), Wood (W, 4-1)
Saturday, June 21 @ Cubs L 11-7
Contreras (L, 6-6), Marquis (W, 6-3), Wood (S, 19)
Sunday, June 22nd @ Cubs L 7-1
Vasquez (L, 7-6), Dempster (9-2)

Heros - Jermaine Dye

Bums - Everyone Else (except for maybe Buehrle)

Congratulations, you swept the Pirates. This team still can't hit. Yes, they score a ton of runs off of the Pirates, but again, they're the Pirates. The Chicago White Sox have lost 9 straight games on the road. Situational hitting always, always gets the best of this team.

Also: Jermaine Dye=On Fire. Its not even fair that pitchers have to throw to him. Hopefully he can keep this up until the rest of the team decides to hit, whenever that may be.

So next week, White Sox go to Los Angeles to play the Dodgers and then back home for the last three games against the Cubs this year, thank god. After that, interleague is over! Hooray! Back to real baseball!
But if you want to know the only good thing to come out of this year's interleague games, check out Electra's blog from Saturday.

State of the Sox (6/10-6/15)

June 10rd - June 15th

Tuesday, June 10th @ Detroit L 6-4
Contreras (L, 6-4), Robertson (W, 4-6), Jones (S, 11)

Wednesday, June 11th @ Detroit L 5-1
Vazquez (L, 6-5), Verlander (W, 3-9)
Thursday, June 12th @ Detroit L 2-1
Dotel (L, 3-3), Jones (W, 2-0)
Friday, June 13th vs Colorado W 5-4
Thorton (W, 3-1), Herges (L, 2-3), Jenks (S, 16)
Saturday, June 14th vs Colorado L 2-0
Dotel (L, 3-4), Grilli (W, 2-1), Fuentes (S, 10)
Sunday, June 15th vs Colorado L 5-3
Contreras (L, 6-5), Cook (W, 10-3), Fuentes (S, 11)

Heros - Gavin Floyd? maybe. John Danks? sure.
Bums - Yes

Here's the only guess I have. I think Ozzie Guillen flips a coin to decide whether or not his team is going to perform. Or this team actually sucks. Or this team is really good. Who knows.

Also, for the record, interleague games are a waste of my time. If it's true that you lose 60 and you win 60, it matters what you do with the other 42 then none of these games are actually in that 42, whether they are wins or losses or extra inning wins or no hitters. Sure they're fun, I guess. But so are all star games, and they don't count. Oh, right.

State of the Sox (6/3 - 6/9)

June 3rd - June 9th

Tuesday, June 3rd vs Kansas City W 9-5
Floyd (W, 6-3), Grienke (L, 5-3)

Wednesday, June 4th vs Kansas City W 6-4
Dotel (W, 3-2), Gobble (L, 0-1)
Thursday, June 5th vs Kansas City W 6-2
Contreras (W, 6-3), Meche (L, 3-8)
Friday, June 6th vs Minnesota W 10-6
Vazquez (W, 6-4), Blackburn (L, 4-4)
Saturday, June 7th vs Minnesota W 11-2
Buehrle (W, 3-6), Hernandez (L, 6-3)
Sunday, June 8th vs Minnesota W 12-2
Floyd (W, 7-3), Slowey (L, 2-6)
Monday, June 9th vs Minnesota W 7-5
Thorton (W, 2-1), Guerrier (L, 3-2)

Heros- White Sox

Bums - Jay Mariotti (I don't really have a reason for this, he's just a 'heiny-bird')


All I really have to say is that if this is the real White Sox, they could win the World Series (that sounds so weird to say for some reason). Yea, so uh. I don't really have a whole lot to say. White Sox Winner.
40 runs against the Twins. 61 on the homstand.
A 7 game winning streak.

So ummm, they're good, and I'm confused.


There are 3 baseball teams in town. One of them is the Cubs. The Sox are the other two.

State of the Sox (5/26 - 6/1)

MAY 26TH - June 1st

Monday, May 26th @ Cleveland W 6-3
Logan (W, 2-1), Elarton (L, 0-1), Jenks (S, 13)

Tuesday, May 27th @ Cleveland L 8-2
Buehrle (L, 2-6), Laffey (W, 3-3)
Wednesday, May 28th @ Cleveland W 6-5
Floyd (W, 5-3), Betancourt (L, 1-3), Jenks (14)
Thursday, May 29th @ Tampa Bay W 5-1
Danks (W, 3-3), Jackson (L, 3-4)
Friday, May 30th @ Tampa Bay L 2-1
Linebrink (L, 2-1), Wheeler (W, 1-3)
Saturday, May 31st @ Tampa Bay L 2-0
Vazquez (L, 5-4), Kazmir (W, 5-1), Balfour (S, 1)
Sunday, June 1st @ Tampa Bay L 4-3
Thorton (L, 1-1), Howell (W, 4-0)

Heros - Alexi Ramirez .391 avg; Jon Danks 6 inn, 1 ER, 8 K; Jose Contreras 5 inn, 1 Er

Bums - Everyone else

Ozzie is right. Throw the record out the window right now, and the fact that this team is in first place in the AL Central. This team is not hitting. If this is going to need to rely on a spark from Alexi Ramirez or Brian Anderson, they won't be in first for long. If Paul Konerko is hurt, put him on the DL. If Thome is struggling at the plate, sit him down, same with Nick Swisher. Start Brian Anderson, bring up Josh Fields or Jerry Owens. Start Fields at first or DH. It is an absolute shame to waste all of this good pitching. Do whatever you have to do, but to sit here and watch Thome and Swisher look like they're batting with blindfolds on is starting to wear thin. This White Sox - Tampa Bay series was the biggest for the Sox of the first third of the season. They had great starting pitching preformances, but went something like 3-30 with men in scoring position. The White Sox should have taken at least 3 of 4 from the Bay Rays on the road, but instead they lost 2 games in the tenth, and only took 1 of the 4 games in Tampa. Are the Tampa Bay Rays really better than the Chicago White Sox? I didn't think so, but apparently they are.

AND I don't think Josh Fields is the answer for ONLY the White Sox, this dude played quarterback in college for Oklahoma State. He has the record for most touchdown passes for OK State and led them to 2 bowl games, the second of which being the Cotton Bowl vs Ole Miss where he threw from a Cotton Bowl record 307 yards. And it can't really be that hard to coach a professional basketball team, right?

JOSH FIELDS! SOX, BEARS, BULLS!

Also, I'd like to nominate Josh Fields for President, Pope and Sausage King of Chicago.

State of the Sox (5/19-5/25)

MAY 19TH - MAY 25TH

Tuesday, May 20th vs Cleveland W 4-1
Sabathia (L, 3-6), Contreras (W, 5-3), Jenks (S, 11)
Wednesday, May 21th vs Cleveland W 7-2
Byrd (L, 2-4), Vazquez (W, 5-3)
Thursday, May 22th vs Cleveland W 3-1
Laffey (L, 2-3), Linebrink (W, 1-0), Jenks (S, 12)
Friday, May 23th vs LA Angels L 3-1
Saunders (W, 8-1), Floyd (L, 4-3), F. Rodriguez (S, 20)
Saturday, May 24th vs LA Angels L 2-0
Weaver (W, 4-5), Danks (L, 3-4), F. Rodriguez (S, 21)
Sunday, May 25th vs LA Angels W 3-2
Lackey (L, 1-1), Linebrink (W, 2-0)

Heros - Carlos Quentin .300 avg, 3 HR, 6 RBI; Jermaine Dye .300 avg, 2 HR, 6 RBI; Jose Contreras 14 IP, 1.93 ERA; Scott Linebrink 4 games, 0 ERA

Bums - AJ Pierzynski .050 avg, 0 RBI; Jim Thome .190, 7 SO

Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin. Carlos Quentin.


Paul Konerko has a 'hand injury' that has been bothering him, he sat the last 3 game, and only had 10 at bats in the whole week. I kinda wish Jim Thome would get a 'hand injury.' This Sox team is actually pretty decent. The pitching this week was phenomenal, and the hitting can't continue to be this bad....right? Unless of course Carlos Quentin can continue to carry this offense on his back, but he can't really do that....can he? Gavin Floyd threw a complete game, but in the 5th he gave up a homer, walk, hit, walk and 2 hbp to score the 3 runs in that inning, which were the only runs he gave up in a 3-1 loss.

So lets say...The offense gets better, and the pitching slows down a bit, this team is still better than average and has a chance to win this (weak) AL Central. OR! We could clone Carlos Quentin and have him play every position. Then we can move Chris Zorich to linebacker. Yea! So in conclusion, Devin Hester, you are ridiculous!

State of the Sox (5/12-5/18)

MAY 12TH - MAY 18TH

Monday, May 12th @ LA Angels L 7-10
Buehrle (L, 1-5), Adenhart (W, 1-0), Rodriguez, F (S, 15)
Tuesday, May 13th @ LA Angels L 0-2
Dotel(L, 1-2), Shields (W, 2-0), Rodriguez, F (S, 16)
Wednesday, May 14th @ LA Angels W 6-1
Contreras (W, 4-3), Shields (L, 2-1)
Thursday, May 15th @ LA Angels W 4-3
Dotel (W, 2-2), Rodriguez, F (L, 0-1), Jenks (S, 8)
Friday, May 16th @ San Fransisco W 2-0
Floyd (W, 4-2), Sanchez (L 2-3), Jenks (S, 9)
Saturday, May 17th @ San Fransisco W 3-1
Buehrle (W, 2-5), Zito (L, 0-8), Jenks (S, 10)
Sunday, May 11th @ San Fransisco W 13-8
Thorton (W, 1-0), Walker (L, 1-2), Masset (S, 1)

Heros - Carlos Quentin .320 avg, 7RBI, grand slam; AJ Pierzynski .391 avg; Bobby Jenks 0 ER, 3 saves; Ozzie Guillen

Bums - Paul Konerko .148 avg, 6 SO; Jim Thome .105 avg, 7 SO

Ozzie makes the Heros section for the new lineup:
Orlando Cabrera
AJ Pierzynski
Carlos Quentin
Jermaine Dye
Jim Thome
Paul Konerko
Joe Crede
Nick Swisher
Juan Uribe

First in the AL Central. 5-2 this week, 5 game winning streak. 7-3 on the 10 game west coast road trip, which is absolutely amazing. Normally the White Sox could play a 8-10 year old little league team west of the Rocky Mountains, and they'd lose. So maybe this team isn't as horrible as once predicted...

State of the Sox (5/5 - 5/11)

MAY 5TH - MAY 11TH

Monday, May 5th @ Toronto L 0-1
Vasquez (L, 3-3), McGowan (W, 2-2), Ryan (S, 5)
Tuesday, May 6th vs Minnesota W 7-1
Blackburn (L, 2-2), Floyd (W, 3-1)
Wednesday, May 7th vs Minnesota L 1-13
Hernandez (W, 5-1), Buehrle (L, 1-4)
Thursday, May 8th vs Minnesota W 6-2
Slowey (L, 0-2), Danks (W, 3-3)
Friday, May 9th @ Seattle W 4-2
Contreras (W, 3-3), Silva (L, 3-2), Jenks (S, 7)
Saturday, May 10th @ Seattle W 8-4
Vasquez (W, 4-3), Washburn (L, 2-5)
Sunday, May 11th @ Seattle L 6-3
Floyd (L, 3-2), Batista (L, 3-4), Putz (S, 3)

4-3 This week.

Heros - Jermaine Dye .350, 3 HR, 5 RBI; Carlos Quentin .345, HR, 7 RBI; Gavin Floyd vs Minn May 6th - 8.1 inn, 1 hit, 1 run; Javier Vazquez 13.1 inn, 3.38 ERA, 15 SO

Bums - Paul Konerko .200, 7 SO; Jim Thome .250, 5 SO; Mark Buehrle 5.2 inn, 7 ER; Ehren Wasserman, 1.1 inn, 6 ER

The White Sox cannot win without slugging. They cannot manufacture any runs what-so-ever. This how this team was built, so I'm not overly surprised. Jim Thome can't hit left handed pitching right now (maybe he just can't hit it at all anymore), Paul Konerko and Nick Swisher are going through awful slumps. They moved Orlando Cabrera to the lead off spot, and the day he goes 4-5, he scores once and they lose.

I don't think Ozzie knows what to do with this team, probably because there isn't much to do. When a power hitting team isn't hitting, you lose. They're lucky to have won as many games as they have. Unless this team starts hitting soon, they're gonna lose a lot of games, because this pitching isn't going to stay this good for long.

My Suggestion? More sex toys.