Not all that Super, really

I'm fairly certain that Super Bowl XLIII is currently being proclaimed one of the greatest games in NFL history by every outlet that isn't spouting conspiracy theories about how the Cardinals got screwed because the refs didn't review the Warner fumble at the end of the game.

Such notions are utter garbage.

While the game did provide us with two spectacular catches and a very compelling ending, it only did so after well over 45 minutes of exceptionally bad, historically sloppy football.

The better team won, but they sure didn't look like champions. Given so many chances to assert their dominance, the Steelers consistently fell short, starting with their inability to punch it in on the first drive of the game and continuing throughout the fourth quarter while their vaunted number one in the league defense did everything it could to try and give the Cardinals the game.

Both teams did their very best to emulate preseason football throughout the first half, culminating in Kurt Warner's realization that it had been too long since he last made a horrible decision at an extremely important juncture of a game. Warner tried to force a ball into Anquan Boldin's hands, completely forgetting both how the zone blitz works and that he's facing a defense run by the guy that invented said scheme.

That 10-14 point swing lead us into the half where we were subjected to an agonizing performance from some Bruce Springsteen cover band that just happened to feature the actual Bruce Springsteen.

Determined not to make a game of it too quickly, the Cardinals came out with the ball in the second half and were unable to make anything out of their possession. The Steelers took over, marched the ball all the way down to the Arizona four yard line and were unable to stick the dagger in on three plays, settling for a field goal. When an unnecessary roughness penalty took the three points off the board, the Steelers got three more chances to close the deal, and failed again, this time the Cardinals decided that letting the Steelers double-down a second time wasn't a wise idea, and let the Steelers keep their 20-7 lead.

Still not deterred, the Cardinals kept the game on track for historic snoozer status by following up Pittsburgh's nearly nine minute drive by failing to cross midfield and punting the ball back to the Steelers early in the 4th quarter.

After waiting through nearly 50 minutes of game time for the opportunity to strike, the Steelers offensive line wasted no more time, imploding in spectacular fashion on the next drive, handing the ball back to the Cardinals.

And then... something magical happened. The Cardinals remembered that they had the best player on the field, and decided they'd start utilizing Larry Fitzgerald. After perforating the suddenly porous Steelers defense, Warner had the Cardinals at the Steelers one yard line. Warner knew just what to do, and floated a little fade to Larry Fitzgerald, who was covered like a blanket but managed to get three fingers on the football and haul in one of the most amazing catches you will ever see. 20-14 Steelers.

With seven and a half minutes to go, the Steelers took over and their offensive line wasted no time making sure Roethlisberger would not be able to remain upright long enough to keep the ball away from the Cardinals, but the Cardinals didn't seem too interested in doing anything with the ball, electing to punt with less than four minutes remaining, pinning the Steelers at their own one yard line.

Again the vaunted Steelers offensive line sprang into action, nearly allowing Roethlisberger to be sacked for a safety and then unable to open a hole for Willie Parker who barely got the ball out of the endzone.

On third down, the Steelers offensive line would not be denied.

Despite Roethlisberger's best efforts to complete a pass to Santonio Holmes for a first down that almost certainly would have sealed the game for the Steelers, the Steelers O-line rose up in heroic fashion and delivered the saftey they sought when Justin Hartwig was called for holding in the endzone.

The Cardinals took the ball back. On the third play of the drive the Steelers cut off Warner's passes to the photographers on the sidelines by spreading their safeties so wide they left the entire middle of the field wide open to Larry Fitzgerald, who proceeded to burn the Pittsburgh secondary for 64 yards and his second touchdown of the game. It was a nice play by Fitzgeraled, but it could have just as easily been Boldin, Breaston or one of the Bidwells as the Steelers gave themselves zero chance to defend a post route.

It would soon seem, however, that the Cardinals had fallen into the Steelers cunning trap by scoring "too fast." A brutal death spiral in which your offensive efficiency dooms your chance of success by placing your criminally ineffective defense out on the field, thus putting the game into their hands and forcing them to win the game for you.

Not to be outdone, the Steelers offensive line struck once more by committing yet another holding penalty, burying their offense 1st and 20 at their own 12 yard line. Forced to run for his life, Roethlisberger was somehow still able find open receivers and march the Steelers down the field.

Fortunately for the Steelers, their unwillingness to block was completely offset by the Cardinals inability to tackle.

And it's so fitting. The embarrassing abomination that was the 2008 season saw the NFL's unending drive towards parity finally water the league down to such a point that records are essentially meaningless and being more talented guarantees nothing.

This garbage ends with the supposed two best teams each failing at one of the two most important aspects of the game. Blocking and tackling. The last plays of the final game of the season and NEITHER team can play decent fundamental football. The Cardinals sliced through the Steelers offensive line, got hands on Roethlisberger, and couldn't bring him down. Aaron Francisco couldn't keep his feet, and neither team could avoid drawing yellow flags.

And then Santonio Holmes made a catch only slightly less amazing than the one Fitzgerald made on his first touchdown. Yay.

And yeah, I'm pretty sure that was a forward pass and not a fumble, but guess what, the ball hit a Cardinal offensive lineman on the way to the ground. I'm pretty sure it didn't hit a Steelers defender on the way. If that's the case, it would have been illegal touching, since the offensive lineman aren't eligible receivers. Since the offensive penalty would have occurred within the final two minutes of a half, the refs would have had to run 10 seconds off the clock, which would have ended the game anyway.

The Steelers are hardly the worst team to ever win a Super Bowl, even though that's unquestionably the worst offensive line to ever win a Super Bowl, and Ben Roethlisberger -93 rating or not- is easily the worst quarterback to ever win two Super Bowls, which may sound silly, but is no less true.

The Cardinals, for their part, did not live up to the predictions by some that they were the worst team to ever play in a Super Bowl, but they were certainly given a lot of help. Had they capitalized on a little bit more of it they might have won the game.

So yes, it was exciting, and it was fun, but it was terrible football.

Here's hoping for a better 2009.