Reed Johnson's OPS is .645

On base percentage

plus

Slugging percentage

Six Fourty-Five

For the month of may it's .374

HIS SLUGGING PERCENTAGE FOR THE SEASON IS .295

HIS SLUGGING PERCENTAGE IS WORSE THAN TED LILLY'S

His VORP is -1.9. Ted Lilly's offensive VORP is 1.2. For the season, he has literally produced worse offensive numbers THAN ONE OF THE WORST HITTING PITCHERS I'VE EVER SEEN!

His WARP1 is -0.1 which means that playing Reed Johnson for a season will actually cost you one tenth of a victory over AAA level call up replacement player X. His EQA is .237.

Folks, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but this guy blows. I know he's grindy and white and grindy and he has a soul patch and he's not Soriano and everyone hates Soriano, and he grinds but give it a rest.

I did it

I found the dumbest kid in America, maybe the world. This little shit has been wearing a Brett Favre jersy since December of 2003. He just turned 12. If I wore a Michael Jordan jersey from age 7 to age 12, my mom would have beat my ass, but at least I would have been cooler than this kid (Jordan > Favre). A Brett Favre jersey? Really? Come on. I'm pretty sure I genuinely hate this kid. A lot. How did his parents let him do this? What's wrong with these people? Seriously, if I had worn a sports jersey on picture day in 3rd grade, the shit would have hit the fan in my house. I would also like to point out that this kid lives in Connecticut, which is over a thousand miles away from Green Bay. What a stupid little kid. And look at him, he looks like someone who would wear a crappy jersey for 1,581 days. I shouldn't even be talking about this, what a little shit. I bet he smells bad too.

HERE COMES THE HOOK

I cannot believe it's been ten years. As if 1998 didn't feel long enough ago already:

05-06-98



What could have been.

Edit: I miss when Sportscenter would put the home broadcast audio faintly behind their highlights. I suppose it doesn't matter as it's been about ten years since I watched Sportscenter.

Time For A New Closer

Marmol 1.2 1 0 0 0 4
Wood 1.0 3 3 3 1 1

Brewers 4, Cubs 3

Yuck.

Peyton Manning is a dick