Free Floating Thoughts For The 55 And Older Crowd

Alright, old people, I don't like you, and you don't like me, so, I've come up with an idea that will help keep you out of my life, and vice versa.

Here's what I propose:

There's 55 and older communities, AARP, WGN radio, CBS TV... why not give the golden generation its own store? Call it... "The Old People Store" or... "Walgreens."

1) Start with a general pharmacy, but sell EVERYTHING old people need. Depends, Centrum, bingo stamps, suspenders, over-your-regular-glasses sunglasses

2)Make the place a fully functioning post office and bank

3) Staff the entire place with other seniors

4) Attach the thing to a Target, but rename it Woolworths or Goldblatts

5) All in store announcements to be made by Wally Phillips

6) Have the government subsidize it by using a percentage of the amount allotted to social security so everything inside costs what it did in 1956

7) Store hours: 4:30am-2:00pm

8) Make the print on everything HUGE

9) Staff every store with at least 3-4 psychologists specially trained to hear complaints on taxes, the government, rap music, hot weather, cold weather, humid weather, dry weather, hurricane weather, non-hurricane weather, meteorites-falling-on-your-car weather, young people, "hot-dogging" athletes, whores (pronounced Hooo-ers,) "the computer," and cable television

10) Weekly Mahjong and pinochle tournaments, and rascal scooter races

11) Penny candy and a soda fountain

12) WIDE parking spaces in the lot

13) All stores will be built "across the street from the old service station"

I think that's a good start.